The team behind the rolls of commercial toilet paper and jail sweaters are on to something. As the crypto ecosystem pivots from money laundering, securities fraud and bullshit technobabble to next-gen memeing, Tetherino is a project I can get behind.
Trolly McTrollface: “Please tell me about Tetherino’s technology.”
Paolino Ardoino: “Well from a purely technological perspective, Tetherino is absolute shaite. I launched it in under five minutes by clicking on the first result when you google ‘launch your crypto token in under five minutes’.
The only purpose of technology in crypto is to add just enough layers of complexity to every scam so scammers can get off the hook. This is what we’re shooting for.”
Trolly McTrollface: “Very interesting. What else can you tell me about your token?”
Paolino Ardoino: “It’s very important for people to understand that there’s nothing behind our token. No backing, no reserves, no commercial toilet paper, no assurances, no white paper. Fundamentally, the value of a tetherino is zero.”
Trolly McTrollface: “Amazing. I hear you already have a logo and even a website. What are your next steps?”
Paolino Ardoino: “Yes we’re very proud of our progress so far. Our next steps are to communicate about our token on social media from anonymous accounts and hope people start buying our illiquid token with other, slightly more liquid tokens, which we’ll try and cash out for real money.”
Trolly McTrollface: “So you’re just following the basic roadmap of all coins and tokens in crypto?”
Paolino Ardoino: “On the surface, yes. Nothing special about us, no use case, no vision, we don’t understand anything about finance have zero willingness to learn.”
Trolly McTrollface: “There is literally no barrier to entry in creating a new token. What makes you think you’ll be successful, given the fierce competition from millions of other crypto scammers out there?”
Paolino Ardoino: “Crypto has gone through a paradigm shift over the last few months. Everybody understands that the technology is shaite, and that it’s all about money laundering and memes.
Most of the existing projects bear the burden of their image. Their teams spent so long bullshitting about their technology and network effect that they can no longer pivot to memes without looking stupid. So as crypto has moved from pretend fintech to the entertainment business, all the other coins and tokens have lost their relevance.
Tetherino doesn’t have this burden of legacy. We are giving the investors what they want – pure memes, military grade entertainment and shitposting. Our bagholders recognize and appreciate that.”
Trolly McTrollface: “But what about projects like Ripple and Chainlink? Surely their investor base has been built around memes and not technology as well?”
Paolino Ardoino: “They have been the pioneers in this area, yes, but they had to build their meme framework from scratch, which took a lot of time and effort, and now they’re stuck with an outdated meme infrastructure that’s a nightmare to maintain.
Tetherino on the other hand, can take advantage of existing frameworks of comedy gold around tokens like USDT and USDC. We can build on top of this existing meme infrastructure, and roll out our next generation memeing which will make Tetherino a success.”
Trolly McTrollface: “Aren’t you afraid that by being so straightforward and open about your plans, people won’t buy your tokens?”
Paolino Ardoino: “On the contrary, Trolly. People are fed up with all the lies and scams in crypto. They want revenge, they want closure. We give them that. By buying tetherinos, you’re not simply betting that you’ll be able to offload your bags on the next sucker at a higher price. You’re buying entertainment, you’re rewarding all the people who are working very hard to make fun of the scammers and the crooks. Join the revolution, brother! Long tetherinos, short the crooks!”